MacGougan at Large

Notes on Birth Order - 2

The Only or Oldest Child

Are you an Only or Oldest child? I’d ask you to raise your hand, only I’m a Middle child and uncomfortable asserting authority. I just want everybody to get along.

The ever-reliable Internet tells me that a disproportionate number of leaders and high achievers are Only or Oldest children. Back near the dawn of history, I went to a fancy-pants college that was brimming with Only and Oldest children. I was there to provide a little birth-order diversity and to give America’s future leaders someone to practice bossing around.   

Why are Only and Oldest children so successful? The theory is that they benefit from the extra parental attention they receive. 

It may also be worth noting that Only and Oldest children also have higher rates of anxiety and depression. Why are they so fraught? The theory is that they suffer from the extra parental attention they receive.

Only and Oldest children are often lumped together, but the Only children are a half-step ahead in both high-achieving and anxiety/depression. Demographers who study these things draw a line at either four or five years. If your parents have a second child when you’re older than four or five, then you qualify as an Honorary Only child, and are entitled to all rights and responsibilities associated with that designation.

Oldest children have a setback that they have to deal with early in life. After a blissful year or more of being The Center of The Universe, they suddenly have to share the spotlight. And is their new co-star a worthy and complementary partner? Not one bit! They’re now on a double-bill with a carpetbagging, gate-crashing, endlessly-needy, little blob of humanity.

Parents want the Oldest to love the new interloper as much as they do, but it’s a heavy lift. I think of it in terms of how I’d feel if I came home one day and my wife was excited to introduce me to my new fellow-husband. “This is Tim! Isn’t he wonderful? Isn’t he beautiful? But don’t worry, Mark. Having Tim with us will just mean that there will be more love in our family!”=